How to handle an angry person
When an angry employee or customer bursts into your office, rarely do you have time to prepare yourself. Often, you are not the target of that anger; but you must be able to bear the brunt of the emotional onslaught. How do you normally respond? Do you become confused? Defensive? Disoriented? Are you always tempted to return anger with more anger? What is needed is self-control, calmness, a touch of assertiveness, and (most importantly) a sincere desire to solve whatever problem has caused the outburst...
1. Acknowledge the person’s anger up front.
Nothing adds more fuel to the fire of anger than to have it brushed aside, ignored, or challenged. Anger is a symptom of a greater problem so make it clear immediately that you realise the person is upset: ‘I can see that this is important to you - so it’s important to me too. Let’s go and have a talk about it.’
The message you thus send is twofold: first, it says that you’re interested in helping with the problem; and, second, it makes clear that you’re not going to combat rage with rage. Your supportive comments don’t condone anger, but drive home the need to redirect these emotions constructively.
2. Be calm and confident.
It is essential when confronted by an angry person to remain calm, dignified, express confidence in your face and body language, and speak in a steady voice that says you are concerned but not intimidated. It’s vital not to respond aggressively to another’s anger. If faced with shouting and profanity, draw a line: ‘I have no intention of raising my voice during our discussion, and I ask that you extend the same courtesy to me’. No-one can win with an angry exchange of words.
3. Provide a non-threatening environment.
Your aim is not to shut them up or outshout them, but to devise a solution for their problem. The search for a solution can only begin in a non-threatening environment, so move any confrontation to a private setting such as your office. Get the person seated (it’s harder to continue an outburst from a sitting position) and at ease.
Come out from behind the barrier created by your desk. Try a less formal setting such as adjacent, on one side of a table.
