How to take the heat out of a confrontation
Confrontations are unpleasant but inevitable. What is important is that they can provide valuable opportunities to identify and deal with problems that otherwise might have simmered undetected. But there is a technique to handle them constructively. When you find yourself in face-to-face confrontations, here is what you can do to defuse, resolve, and profit from that potentially explosive situation...
1. Make confrontation constructive.
For a confrontation to become a beneficial episode, it should provide the following outcomes:
- The other person’s behaviour changes in the manner desired.
- The self-esteem of the other person is preserved.
- Your relationship with the other person remains intact.
These outcomes can be realised if you remain objective about the other person’s undesirable behaviour, listen to the other person’s response, identify the effects, describe future expectations, and commit or agree to future behaviour.
2. Choose the time and place.
Don’t fuel the fire by initiating any conflict in public. Also avoid confronting people after a hard day, before an event at which they have to be at their best, when they are dealing with a mistake or loss, or when they’re working under the cloud of an imminent deadline. Choose time and place carefully. Sensitivity to the other person’s circumstances is always important, but in a conflict it is critical.
3. Keep your cool and listen.
Listen to everything the other party is saying and not just for what you want to hear. Don’t let the other person’s tactics unsettle you. Remember the adage: Never answer an angry word with an angry word. It’s the second one that turns anger into confrontation.
Give yourself time. Keep calm and tell your adversary that you would rather discuss the observable facts and not personal opinions. You’ll find that your actions will enable a focus on solutions rather than an attribution of blame.
