How to use anger constructively
Anger is a destructive human emotion. Rarely do we profit in any way from a spontaneous outburst of temper. It accomplishes nothing, regardless of whether it is aimed at others, inanimate objects, or ourselves. But at times, provided it is well timed and used to create energy rather than drain it, anger can be a powerful management tool. Here are some useful considerations to help you use anger constructively...
1. Realise you get angry; no one forces you to.
Each of us has our very own emotional buttons that just wait to be pushed; they reach out like antennae and actively pick up trouble. It’s these buttons that hurt us. It’s not what someone says or does that hurts - it’s our own buttons that do it. The incident simply pushes our provocative, sensitive button and - clunk!
Anger is one such button. You’re the only person who can be in control of your anger button, so don’t relinquish that control to others by getting angered in situations of their making where you’ll be sorry afterwards.
2. Put the lid on spontaneous anger.
It’s been said that getting angry can be like leaping into a wonderfully responsive sports car, gunning the motor, taking off at high speed - and then discovering the brakes are out of order. Which is why you should always try to keep your immediate anger in check by considering those time-honoured coping devices - count to ten, bite your tongue, walk away.
The best coping strategy is to give your anger a raincheck. Provide yourself with a cooling off period. If someone upsets you, tell yourself, ‘I’ll get mad about this tomorrow’. Postponing anger is the best way to minimise its damage. If you spontaneously unload this potentially destructive emotion onto an employee or colleague, then minor mishaps can escalate into major catastrophes. Postponing an angry outburst can reduce the odds of that happening. Speak when you’re angry and you may make the best speech you will ever regret.
Postponement also helps in that you can take a minute or two to remind yourself of the offender’s good points and value to your organisation - which in turn may also prevent you from jumping in boots and all.
By postponing anger, you take the first vital step to using anger constructively.
3. Identify the cause and arrange a meeting.
Never resort to venting your anger on another person in public. To get the best results, tell the person concerned that a serious discussion is coming up. You might say, ‘We have a problem and I’m going to talk to you about it later. When can we get together where we won’t be interrupted for a while?’ The news is unlikely to come as a shock to the other person, but your announcement will create a little healthy anxiety.
