How to comfort a grieving employee
The death of a close relative or news of a terminal illness in the immediate family can be the source of considerable emotional strain for an employee, whose work habits and performance are usually affected. It is also a difficult time for an employee's manager and co-workers. But a manager can provide support and help the employee through this difficult period by considering the following points…
1. Discuss any crisis in private.
It is important that the employee feel at ease and able to talk openly and frankly with you, so choose a comfortable and non-threatening setting for any conversation.
2. Be empathetic.
The effects of a personal loss can be traumatic. An employee can exhibit a range of emotions - shock, disbelief, numbness, disorientation, denial, helplessness, guilt, anxiety, fear, anger, or a sense of futility. In all discussions, you must be aware of such possibilities. Listen attentively, repeat and reflect the emotions revealed to you, and ensure that the employee feels free to ventilate any built-up emotions in your presence. Empathy fosters openness and trust. Help the person identify and express feelings. Reassure him or her that those feelings are natural and will ease with time; and help the employee remember how he or she coped before the loss, trauma, or onset of the terminal disease.
3. Demonstrate your support.
With your staff member, discuss strategies for providing support at this critical time. For example:
- explain how you might be able to bend the rules for the employee during these difficult days.
- list ways of accommodating any problems during this time. 'Forget about your project while you're away. We'll take care of it.' or 'Would you like me to call anyone for you?' or 'We'll ease your work load for the next few weeks by sharing it around the office.' Such expressions may be all that the employee needs to hear from you.
- with any particular difficulties, a problem-solving approach is a useful counselling technique; your organisational and decision-making skills will prove useful here.
- obtain the views of the employee. Ask him or her what levels of performance you can expect at work during this period. Find time to discuss special needs.
4. Provide advice on available resources.
Where necessary, refer the employee to specialised counsellors and supporting agencies within your organisation and the community. Make the employee aware of your company's policy on compassionate leave and the like.
5. Seek progress reports.
From time to time (when appropriate), show your interest, concern, and support by asking how the patient is progressing and how the employee is coping. In so doing, you are also gathering information that reveals how the employee is handling his or her work and what other action you might need to take in the workplace.
6. Don't be afraid to raise the subject.
There is a tendency for fellow staff-members to avoid the grieving employee during this difficult time. Often, however, the employee would prefer the opposite. So, if the opportunity arises, don't be reluctant to mention the name of the ill or deceased person to the employee. Be prepared to listen to personal stories about the loved one, even though you may have heard them before.
7. Keep other employees informed.
Within the constraints of confidentiality, keep other appropriate staff members informed. Your staff are perceptive and will notice if you are supportive, sincere, and caring. Your sensitivity will foster positive feelings and loyalty among employees.
8. Expect grieving to be a long and difficult process.
The scope of 'normal' grieving behaviours is wide; people grieve in different ways. If the loss is significant, rebuilding one's life will usually be a long and painful process. Even with considerable support during those first few weeks, the healing process can take years. It is important, therefore, to accept that grieving can be a slow process and that during that time a wide range of behaviours, symptomatic of grief, can be considered normal. But if the individual is particularly or persistently distressed - for example, displaying severe depression, agitation, fear, guilt, memory gaps, disorientation, self-neglect, disturbed sleep, inability to function normally, and drastic personality changes - or does not have a strong emotional support network, then referral to specialist counselling or a support group may be of assistance.
