How to deal with difficult people
According to Napoleon, the driving force behind behaviour is either self-interest (people doing what they do principally in their own interests) or fear (doing what they do because they fear the consequences, perceived or otherwise, of not doing it). That’s what makes managing others a unique activity: outward expressions of such basic drives differ from person to person. Most people are easy to get on with, but some difficult individuals will require that we dig deep into our people-skills bag…
1. Know why some people are difficult.
If Napoleon is to be believed, the main motivation of difficult people is fear - fear of loss, embarrassment, ignorance, inadequacy, etc. Although fear is a natural phenomenon, you are not to know its cause - what it is that individuals are fearful of. To complicate the matter further, individual behaviour changes according to context: an aggressive person at work may be a gentle, loving parent at home, or a person you find shy may be open and out-going in the company of others.
So, when people display behaviours you identify as difficult, ask yourself these questions:
- What is that person afraid of?
- Where did he or she learn that behaviour?
- What response do I need to achieve the outcomes I want?
2. Be familiar with difficult behaviour types.
Most organisations have difficult employees in varying numbers and degrees, but the most common types include these:
- Hyper-sensitives - desiring their own space, rarely taking risks.
- Fusspots - taking an eternity to produce top-quality results.
- Excuse-makers - using any reason to account for their poor performance.
- Deadline-missers - leaving things until (after) the last minute.
- Can’t-doers - insisting ‘we’ve always done it this way’ to avoid change.
- Careless-cavaliers - believing that near enough is good enough.
- Loafers - doing just enough to get by.
- Pig-heads - resisting change by insisting on one way of doing things.
- Thin-skins - overreacting to anything that sounds like criticism.
- Shrinking violets - avoiding social contact at all costs.
- Bullies - seeking power by throwing their weight around.
- Grim-reapers - expressing dissatisfaction with people and the environment.
- Nit-pickers - finding fault, no matter what.
- Cross-examiners - questioning everything.
- Chatterboxes - talking about little or nothing to anyone who can be cornered.
- Know-it-alls - being closed to others’ expertise.
- Snail, mule, and clown metaphors may be used to describe other types.
The list is limited only by your experience in dealing with people.
Sexual harassment and substance abuse also pose difficulties and are dealt with separately.
3. Embrace key behaviours.
Different types often require different responses from management, but some useful management maxims are common to most behaviours…
- Behaviour that is reinforced, rewarded, and recognised is likely to be repeated.
- Behaviour that is not reinforced, rewarded, or recognised is likely to diminish gradually.
- You don’t have to be liked by everyone; don’t let your ego get the better of you.
- Make sure people are aware of acceptable standards - not all customers will want a ‘Rolls Royce’ version.
- Performance should be clearly monitored; employees should know when you expect greater effort.
- Pressure brings out the worst in people. Control the flow of work, or employees will feel snowed under and react accordingly.
- You must keep your promises and follow up on theirs.
- Ensure communications are clear, open, and available to everyone.
- Acknowledge contributions in ways valued by the individual.
4. Avoid the pitfalls.
There are definite ‘no-nos’ in dealing with difficult types. If people are…
- Aggressive, don’t argue. Encourage them to study a proposal from both sides.
- Shy, don’t force them into things. Get to know them so that they feel comfortable in your presence.
- Slow, don’t be overbearing. Be more patient and negotiate tighter deadlines.
- Negative, don’t get involved in discussions with them. Show reasonable optimism by asking for a worst-case scenario or using a lesser-of-two-evils argument.
- Obsessed with detail, don’t get into a debate about quality. Emphasise overall objectives and suggest a logical, step-by-step approach.
- Lazy, don’t give them more work. Instead, assign them more challenging tasks and monitor progress.
5. Identify new behaviours and skills you’ll need.
The one behaviour you have most control over is your own. So, to become more skilled in dealing with different types of people, you’ll need to increase your flexibility. Some of your new skills may be patience, assertiveness, authoritativeness, self-confidence, reframing, and listening. When you’re in control of your actions, your level of personal power greatly increases; so reduce the nature and number of difficulties confronting you.
