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How to establish rapport

Rapport - an harmonious relationship of trust and confidence - is the essential ingredient in any meaningful communication. Where rapport does not exist, most efforts to communicate effectively will be in vain. Managers, therefore, need to be skilled in establishing rapport with individuals or groups. Although there is no single technique for building rapport, some general principles need to be observed…

1. Know what outcomes you want.

All behaviour is outcome-related - people act as they do to get what they want. So, before entering into conversation or a meeting, you need to know what you want, and you’ll need the flexibility to adopt the appropriate behaviours to achieve that outcome by building confidence and trust in your colleagues.

2. Encourage conversation.

In the early stages of most conversations, get-togethers, or meetings, some people can be reluctant starters. The best approach is to get them talking - the topic or content is not important (though we do know that most people like talking about themselves). Talk and laughter help to establish a breathing pattern that helps to relax people, making them feel more at ease in the situation. So that’s your initial agenda: maintain eye contact, listen attentively, nod intermittently to match the tempo of the other person’s voice, and demonstrate your interest with an occasional ‘a-hum’ or ‘a-ha’ to match voice tone. Your encouraging behaviour will be appreciated.

3. Listen and observe.

Most meaning is transmitted non-verbally - more than 80 per cent, according to some experts. We are particularly aware of incongruence - that is, when there is a conflict between what people say and what their body language communicates. That incongruence could alert you to the fact that something is wrong. You may decide to pursue that uncertainty further by asking appropriate questions.

4. Use getting-to-know-you activities if necessary.

In groups, brief, well-structured ice-breaking activities can establish rapport. The right activity can help to remove any inhibitions people may have about participating actively in a group. It can also focus attention on the task at hand. If you decide to develop your own icebreaker, rather than select from a plethora of commercially available ones, focus on three main points:

  • The activity has to be simple, straightforward, and fun, encouraging people to participate.
  • Activity involving interaction among group members is required.
  • The activity can be linked in some way to the main purpose for assembling the group in the first place.

Examples of simple ice-breakers include these:

  • This is me! Participants in turn give their names, where they're from, and one other brief fact about themselves. The facilitator suggests what this third fact might be - a recent accomplishment, their most embarrassing moment, their finest hour.
  • Round the Circle. To help remember people's names, sit people in a circle, the first person saying, 'Hello, I'm…(name)'. The next person says, 'Hello, I'm… and that's…'. And so on around the circle, all introducing themselves and all those who have gone before. A fun, rather than a competitive, activity.
  • Pairs. People form pairs of strangers. Person A interviews Person B for three minutes - name, origins, interests, strengths, and so on. Person B then interviews A. Using the information gathered, they then introduce each other to the re-assembled group.
  • Biographical Name Tags. People are given name tags or cards on which they write their names and several other facts that can be fun things - favourite food, film, resort, book, sport, or items relevant to the meeting. People then mill around looking at each other’s tags and talking to people as they wish.

5. Test and re-test for rapport.

The main indicator that rapport is being established is ‘feel’. Instinctively, you will know when a feeling of trust and confidence exists between you and another, or among people in a group. That feeling is the precursor to the main business.

Occasionally, particularly in a group, you will need to re-test for rapport. If you are operating didactically, for example, pause and ask the group, ‘How am I going?’ Encourage, and listen to, their feedback. Another approach is to involve the group in an energiser - a brief, high-energy activity designed to stimulate and re-focus attention.

6. Act ‘as if’.

When working in a group, show that there is nothing that can happen that you can’t handle. Your actions will then instil confidence in others. And that confidence is easily achieved. By acting ‘as if’ you are in control, you gain control. So start behaving ‘as if’ establishing and maintaining rapport is one of your special abilities.